My Thoughts (Latest Post 7 December)
I believe that i hurt you seriously, i'm badly hurt as well.. Whatever it is, it's already in the past. It's my fault that i've chosen this path to have relationship with you. If time can rewind, i would like to choose as good friends, to have jokes, laughter and like each other. I don't wanna hurt you. It's my fault and my responsibility to cause you to be hurt. I can't expect anything much, i just want us be good friends like last time and let me secretly like you, teach you studies and moral. I won't expect much. To be frank, i am jealous you and Jacky are close to each other, maybe i thinking too much or what. I know Jacky likes you a lot, but i think i have no rights to be jealous or what bah. I am enduring whatever i can. When i talked to you in MSN,you totally side to Jacky, i felt heartbroken... Whenever after i went back home from school, my heart aches. Physically u may think that i ignoring you all the time, but deep inside i really care for you. Sometime i peep at you just wanna see how's you doing. I really wanted and seriously wanna talk to you but maybe you still angry with me, you might be sensitive to words that i say to you, so i rather keep myself quiet just don't wanna hurt you and make you angry. You may think that i'm nerd in studying but actually i wanna study hard so that i can be together with you because i know your parent's requirement of your future boyfriend must be high and educated. Maybe time will heal you bah.I sincerely thank you for giving me joy,laughter and your devoted love for me during this relationship.I REALLY DON'T WANT US TO BE STRANGERS AND COLD WAR FOREVER =(...IM SORRY~





26 Nov 2010:
Today is friday and i'm feeling low. Since i'm free, i shall write both of our stories from the start.

April:
This month was my last minute enroll into Singapore polytechnic as my application to Polytechnic through online fails. But overall i was very happy that time. I introduce myself to my classmates happily and proudly. That time i didn't notice jacqueline so well.
During this month, i remember correctly that i went home together with jacqueline and nicole as i just know they both alight at lakeside MRT and is near to my station that i alight, boon lay. In train i talked to nicole say " Hey why not we meet and go school together?" That time we were noobies, don't know the school campus so well. So i told nicole to take down my number, this was my first time jacqueline automatically took out handphone and jot down my number. LOL. So we can say we almost meet lakeside MRT everyday. During a Module called ONOW, lecture assignment me to name at least 5 classmates names, i never remember her name because my impression of her is not so good. One fine day, while i was studying at home, Jacqueline smsed me for chat. I remember she asked me did i watch anime. From there we began to know each other and chat often.

May:
This month,Jacky and others came to our group as friends. I remember correctly is about 8 people in our group. We were playing games in class and even go library play. There's was one incident happened in this month. One day while i was fixing my laptop to install one of my module's program, Jacqueline smsed me says that they were at library waiting for me. That time i haven't eat lunch. When i installed finish my program, i quickly rush down to meet them with hunger. When i reached the entrance of library, i first saw Jacqueline and my classmates gonna exit from the library entrance. My first thought is is they gonna leave me alone without informing me that they gonna go? I was very furious and quickly went home, just because i don't want vent my anger. I was in MRT on the way back home, Jacqueline spam me message apologizing me. When i reached home and locked inside my room and chill down at bed, she still spam me message. I find it ANNOYING! This makes me more angry. But what i discover that, 2 of her messages that she message sounds emotional. From there i know that she likes me. After that Jacky called me, i told him i need time to chill down. I told myself, i don't wanna hurt other's feeling as she likes me so i decided forgive and forget. The next day i went to class and sort out things and become friends. Then the module ONOW ask us to visit Navy Open House, she follows me very closely and keep stick to me. Something Fishy~

June:
Our bonding of friendship is getting closer. I remember one day i go Lavender go renew my passport, she message me for chat. We chat chat till she ask me out after renew my passport. That was our first time we having outing. We played at arcade a lot. One fine night, she called me asked me wanna go Genting for holiday. I agreed and i having a lot of fun with her and Jacky. As days goes by, our interaction is getting more. Even her mother asked my background and asked me out for movie. Things are getting FISHY!

July:
This month, romance comes... After months of interaction is getting better. She did touched my heart by cheering me up, we been through ups and down. I began liked her. *Shy*...2 weeks before i confess her, i'm afraid to ask her and scare she reject me. In the end she accepted. XD *Twist* This month was my birthday, this was my entire life someone celebrated my birthday with me. She came to my house with the cake that she bought and celebrated for me.I felt very happy during this month.She brings me out to eat good food with her parents as if i feel so xin fu~

August:
Things are complicated this month...I don't know why i get jealous so easily maybe due to i'm in a relationship? She seems to stick to Jacky a lot more than me...Even my classmates also says they two are couples. How would i feel? I feel so depress and as if i wearing green hat. I told her the mistakes she make, she says she don't like Jacky. I believe her. But things goes the same, i told her a lot of times and she didn't listen. Even our dating, Jacky called her! I was like, we in a relationship and she still contacting other guys OFTEN! I'm fair to her that i didn't contact other girls by showing her my inbox messages and outgoing calls records. This incident i endure. I made a misunderstanding one day. We were planing for a dating and she smed me saying that her mother was sick. I was very disappointed and sad that time because we didn't met each other for a certain period of time due to exams. I thought she was lying, then i never reply her message. The day after, when i go Wing Chun with her, she says her right hand was hurt. I even suspect her that she went to badminton with her friends without me knowing or don;t want me go dating with her else go with her friends for badminton. I was furious that time and i lost my control and break with her, ends relationship.

September:
After break i damn depress and feel regretted that i'm too rush. I kept annoyed her to patch back till she angry. Even during exam period i still annoyed her! WTF am i doing! *Slap Myself*. One fine day after exam, she smsed me says that she's watching animes and drawing manga for whole of holiday. I feel sad and i know she needs time to chill down. BUT i Still annoyed her 1 day. She delete me facebook because i annoy her and i even more depression.I discover myself i had depression. So i forced myself to stop smsing her or call her just not to annoy her. During holiday,my life was terrible, forcing myself not to sms. I go to counselling and see psychologist for my depression. I chatted with Simin in fb, telling me her mum ask her to stay away from me bla bla. I even more depression making my condition worst. From there i ate 1 month plus of medicine just to control my condition. I suffer so much but i know she's enjoying herself with her camp friends outside. I was even more angry! And almost hate her!

October/Nov:
School reopen starts, I sort things out to her. She doesn't pay attention to me. Things are getting colder. No more smsing, meet at bridge bla bla bla. Even i treat her nice she rejects. I am angry and depress. Now is already week 6 coming week 7, things still gonna be the same less communication. Seriously what you want GIRL! you asked me add you in facebook by asking me nicely, i just added you recently and u still didnt accept???? You still didn't changed always stick to Jacky despite of me telling you a lot of times. ARGH! I DON"T KNOW WHAT TO DO IN NEXT FEW WEEKS!

P.S: Although its now become like this, i kinda miss ur nagging,caring,spam me message, meet at bridge and make me laugh... I believe that i hurt u seriously, i'm hurt badly also. I wish that i turn back the time and not in relationship first. But what's done is done, we have to look forward. I really hope we can be good friends like last time or rather be my little god sister. I don't want after this relationship, spoils our friendship and PLEASE stop giving me cold shoulders and PLEASE don't grudges against me for long...T.T